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Positive Outcomes: HIV and Me
I Can’t Believe Thirteen Years
Have Gone By!
Charlotte’s story
I am a First Nations woman born and raised in Northern BC and I’m a single mother to four children. My HIV story goes back to 1988 when I met a handsome man and we went on to see each other for about 3 years. After the honeymoon stage of our relationship, it turned unhealthy. There was alcohol abuse, jealousy, no trust, cheating, physical abuse. Even though we had a lot of negative things in our relationship, we did have good times when we didn’t mix alcohol in our relationship.
The beginning of 1991 was good because I gave birth to a baby boy on January 1. Later that year, my partner and I were arguing and he pulled a knife on me. When I was drunk I wasn’t scared of anything or anybody, so I said, “Go ahead, stick the knife in me.” He said, “This is how much I love you,” and then he stabbed himself.
His doctor kept asking him if he had told me about his HIV status, and his doctor decided to tell my family doctor. The HIV antibody blood test was ordered and on December 3, 1991, I got my diagnosis: HIV-positive. Right after my diagnosis, I found out that my partner knew he had the virus and didn’t say anything to me or use protection. The doctor tested my baby too, but thank God all 3 tests came back negative. Now my son is a lot taller than me, and he is one healthy boy.
After my diagnosis, I needed to tell someone and looked for support because I was feeling alone and scared. I found an AIDS organization. Because of my reaching out and not letting my partner or anyone else get in my way, I empowered myself. In the long run this would be my main help and support with whatever came my way.
When I first told people about my HIV status, three of four I told couldn’t keep it to themselves. The one person that did keep it to herself is my best friend for life. To this day she still respects my confidentiality. I really found out who my true family and friends were and the ones who wouldn’t be anymore. I’m proud to say that mostly everyone was there for me. At first they were a little scared but got over it. This is one of the reasons I believe I’m still here 13 years later: all the love and support I get.
I had to tell my kids right from the beginning. It would have been too hard for me to live with myself by not telling them. I was also afraid they would hear rumors and be mad at me for not letting them know. We learned how to accept this together.
I went public at an HIV/ AIDS Conference for 50 or 60 CHRs and NAADAP Workers from the many surrounding Northern Communities. I was so scared because I’ m well known and didn’t want people to look at me bad. At that time, HIV was known as a gay white man’s disease. Going public was a good thing. I’ve been the invited guest speaker to many First Nations Communities to put a face and voice to HIV/ AIDS. I’ve traveled Canada wide. My youngest and I always talk about how he happy he is that I’m still here and how proud he is of me for the speaking I do. I was also given an award by my Tsimshian Nation in the summer of 2002: “Outstanding Achievement within our Nation” for the HIV/ AIDS awareness I do. Now I can’t believe 13 years have gone by.
All my relations,
Charlotte
To read more of Charlotte’s story, see The Positive Side (January 2005).