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Magnetic Couples
Serodivergent or “magnetic couples,” refer to a couple where one person has HIV and the other one doesn’t. (You might also hear “mixed-status”, “sero-opposite” or “serodiscordant.”) Whatever you call it, you can connect, be together, have sex: it’s up to you.
For couples getting together after an HIV diagnosis, disclosure will be one of the first things to consider. When? How? Disclosing your status to a potential partner can be tough, but it’s best to do so earlier than later.
If you test positive within your relationship and your partner doesn’t, it can bring up all kinds of feelings, especially if you don’t know how or when you became infected (a common experience). Give yourself time to work through the changes, both emotional and practical (like safer sex).
Talking It Out
Couples in every relationship have to work things through – commitment, sex, family, etc. Because HIV is part of the picture, safer sex, HIV transmission and disclosure are also part of everyday discussions. While it can be tough to talk about this stuff, it’s real. If you need support doing so, we can help you (and your partner).
Sex
Safer sex requires thought but doesn’t rule out fun. As the HIV+ partner, you may worry about infecting your partner, but knowing about transmission can help to put some of these worries to rest. Some couples become overly cautious and stop having sex for awhile. Others feel infection is unavoidable and take risks. If you do want to be sexual, reminding yourself of safer sex guidelines can help you feel more confident.
From time to time you may not feel interested in sex. Lots of women experience this. If it bothers you, or feel it is part of something bigger, such as depression, talk to your doctor or a counsellor about it. You don’t have to live with depression.
Being in a relationship can be rewarding as well as challenging. HIV adds a dimension you might not have expected, but you can work with it.